grAND a new beginning, finally!

been hard at work organizing, preparing for my Friday the 13th birthday

Hello Readers. I never promised, since I started this over two years ago, to post regularly. I haven’t. It’s not that I’ve been slacking, its just my focus was askew. I’m returning, and getting very close to promising, that I will be potent, punctual, and preternaturally present.

Found this leaf, in 2022, with my STORYTELLER shirt on. I didn’t write this on this leaf, or any other leaf. Only here, and in my diaries.

Writer’s Hour January 1, 2022

Assignment: 

Intentions for the New Year

The calm moments have come. The quiet solitude I have needed and wrestled myself beyond the other things we humans as social animals are supposed to need. I recently heard a scientific FACT that when humans are alone their health suffers. Huh? My health suffered when I was in groups I didn’t really grok and who certainly didn’t appreciate me because I didn’t conform or effort to do as all others were doing. My family was at war, all the way around in every direction when I was growing up. I now have a delightful human unit 20 blocks away; my nephew, his angelic wife, their 4yo son who does a delightful swirling dervish, and his new baby sister just a few days into her 3rd month. I am not in their immediate bubble, due to the other C, but I am their beloved Tanta. I have improved relationships with my two nieces in the last two years. I also have two cool older male cousins I talk to and hear from all the time. It's like two appreciative older brothers. One is even my emergency contact.

My dead brother said something very profound to me when he was alive, in person, right beside me. He said many times; “Your family is not necessarily your family. You must find your own tribe.” I was a child who was serious about figuring out what this life thing was all about, determined to know and declare my most honest priorities, taking steps not to add on complexities that would dwindle my time to do what I prefer, wish, and choose to do.

As far as making resolutions, every year, year after year I want the same things, and every day during each year I remain as conscious as possible to choose the behaviors that will eventually have those dreams unroll at my feet.

I have a deep set of friends, some from childhood, some collected along the way. We don’t need to talk all the time but when we do it’s a catch-up with clarifying details already understood. No cheat notes are necessary. Pure unadulterated truth-telling with divine sisters and brothers.

My life has definitely lifted during this time when it has clamped down hard on many. I don’t take it for granted. I cherish the dream come true. Now, can I get out of my head and let my spirit lead the way as my body dances the dance that is mine? Can my soul stay aligned without personality entanglements that will repeat past traumas I’ve already released?

It’s not that I don’t want what other humans want; travel, fun, parties, shopping, playing, going out on the town… it’s that I’ve been fortunate enough to do all that already. I didn’t bypass much when sowing my oats. I was given the freedom to explore. I made some mistakes but even better magic I’ve been able to bring home alone with me. I don’t feel alone. The longer I am alone, the deeper I get into the work that takes such exactitude I couldn’t surrender to before, when I was pulled apart from every appendage, in different directions.

Nope, it’s me, sitting here too often. The only thing I’m not doing I must do more of is to go outside, breathe the air, walk in the grass, put my feet in cold water, and be even more grateful than I am at this minute.

https://x.com/CyPhlux/status/1838983072437461024

(incredible video I found via my brilliant cousin’s page, hope this is visible as its definitely worth seeing and ties in beautifully with this universal every-year, every-day intention)