Mama told me to come
and follow little predilections she never could
“You’ve got to have something to put your work in, otherwise it’s not valid.”
Grace Coddington
A few days ago I caught that quote while watching The September Issue on Netflix. The documentary chronicles Vogue’s editor-in-chief Anna Wintour as she prepares for the 2007 fall-fashion issue. I’m not a Vogue girl but it caught my attention right after I watched a particularly heavy but worthwhile film called No Accident, also on Netflix. I can only compare it to Mary Poppins singing, “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” No Accident is about the lethal White Supremacist Rally in Charlottesville. Two lawyers convinced the Trump DOJ wouldn’t do anything decided themselves to sue a group of right wing protestors. That was medicine I didn’t want to watch, but am glad I did.
Immediately, the Vogue option showed itself to me. Someone inside clicked watch. This quote was the only quote in the whole movie I recorded on my little recorder. Ever since I’ve been contemplating the seriousness of that opinion.
It’s like that hand clapping quote, or bears in the woods response. I take issue with this very respected attitude in this world. Nothing is worthwhile if no one of value sees it, buys it, hawks it, or monetizes it. It’s like the snake eating it’s own tail. We get so into the tension necessary to compete and achieve, that we can’t even hear our own subtler instincts. Does this mean they aren’t of value? If Walden never went to the pond or the Beatles to India, would any of us give credence to the centuries old practice of meditating?
My parents raised me to succeed and achieve. An old boyfriend used to say I grew up in a upwardly mobile household. In some eyes it might appear I peaked in high school. Winning so many awards because of my stunningly committed and capable focus on leadership roles, not secretarial, but presidential. But the more externally successful I became, the more I became separated from my true voice within.
I won’t bore you with astrological reasons why I love freedom over fighting or financial assets. In our country, freedom is associated with fighting for it and having the financial assets to attain it. But freedom itself is of top value.
When we make commitments to others, without truly understanding why we do so or what its for, we lose bits and parts of ourself in the process. My dad said, “Your brother can’t win an election, why don’t you try.” I lost my first but won every time after that. Then because I was a respected leader, more responsibility was heaped upon me than what was healthy or sustaining for me.
This morning, I had some time for freedom. Nothing makes me happier (except orgasms) than freely flowing where inspiration takes me. After learning about the truly admirable Frances Conley the first female neurosurgeon who just died, I was reading an article about Randy Newman and discovered he wrote Three Dog Night’s famous song “Mama Told Me Not To Come.”
The very first concert I ever saw was Three Dog Night at the round and reputable Long Beach Convention Center, long before Wyland branded it with his whale art. I remember the exact spot on the outdoor asphalt parking lot as we were walking to enter the hall. My mom said, “What’s that funny smell?” Yeah, something you don’t forget.
This is the flow. One thing leads to another. When “working” one can’t follow one’s lead because one has responsibilities to perform. When leading others it’s the same thing. We all want love. I also understand most are afraid of solitude so they surrender at the first sign of belonging or togetherness without much questioning if the option aligns with one’s deepest provocations.
All of a sudden I’m having the same computer issue Apple hasn’t been able to solve in three months.
Over and Out. For now.
Ah, yes. We, too-often, make commitments to others because we have been trained to be nice or obedient or some other self-denying way of being. It always costs us, whether or not we can pin down the exact price. Thank you for your intimate sharing and insight.
Lisa,
We cannot turn the clock back and change the past. But we can give, what we would have wanted, to those we encounter in the future.
Every small kindness given gives the giver something back - even if it is hard to define how it works.
I'm endlessly grateful to have five grandkids circulating in and out of my life. I tell them jokes, I tickle them and I just sit and do things together with them. I'm creating memories in their young lives about what a loving older person is, and can be.
I smile when I open a door for someone and I tell jokes to retail staff when I'm engaging with them. I smile at babies when they look at me.
I hope I don't sound like I'm preaching. here. But I figured out, sometime ago, that giving away what I'd like to receive is a secret path to my own happiness. And I put down the mirror that I used to look in to see what I looked like to other people. And that left me more time to see other people and their needs better.
Dennis
New Zealand