Saving things!!! solidified memories are the best kind - they remind us of the good parts, that's why it's nice to keep them. like a spiritual mood board
Yes, my whole home is like that. I think the de-cluttering industry says you should only keep one thing from each loved one who has passed on. Excuse me? I can understand keeping out of guilt or strange emotion but if it is joy and love, then why must I limit myself?
This broke my heart. It is so beautful in it's sheer rawness and authenticity. I am so sorry for your loss and yet I understand what you mean by feeling your brother's presence in your life now. I am a firm believer that our loved one's stay close by and give us signs that they are watching over us and nearby. I know this is not the same but when my dog Collie passed away in 2019 and that was excruciating for me because I hospiced him for 6 months keeping him alive on meds but then he finally passed. It was the end of an era for me for me as well becuse Collie was the 3rd pet of 3 pets that were the childhood pets of my children who grew to old age and finally crossed over the rainbow bridge. So Collie was the hardest to say goodbye to. I always knew I would adopt another dog and a few days later a dog appeared in a feed as an adoptable dog from a foundation. It took over a month before I received a reply about my inquiry and another month before I met the dog. But I ended up adopting him. I am convinced Collie sent him (his name is Parker) to me.
I also relate to the bra size. I did not have a bra size thing going on (I am double A to this day) but I did grow hair under my arm pits by 4th grade and so I was mortified. My mother did not let me shave and so here was this bush of hair that was so hairy when I wore sleeveless in the summer. Yuck. lol
I love your blog posts and you are giving me the courage to post my personal essays. ❤️
Oh my! That is more important than our shaving stories or trauma from pubescent hairiness. I am so sorry to hear that. I have lost 2 dear friends these past 10 ten years to cancer. It shines a light on what is precious and what can border the trivial. I am sending hopeful and good thoughts. 🙏🏻
I just read your piece about your brother. Viewed your collages. I feel like I’ve met a kindred sister. Or one who lived in a universe side by side with mine. I too lost a brother--by his own hand. I was 19 he was 16, three months shy of his 17th birthday. He still occasionally puts in a silent appearance in my dreams. That was 50 years ago. I remember it like yesterday. My Dad passed in 2019. He was a devout hedonist, (live for today), but at the end he told the VN he was Pantheistic. I had to look it up, and I have to say I’m in agreement. But he held that when one dies, it’s like being in a drunken blackout with no wake-up call.
2 days after he “croaked”, (It was our favorite irreverent word for death), I asked him for a sign. One that would let me know that wherever he ‘thought’ he would be, was where he was NOT. And I was specific. He had been a farmer and had raised pigs for many years in my younger life. So I asked him for a “Swine Sign”. Anything pig. When I stopped looking for the signs they came fast and furious. I have a whole collage of “Por’sign’s”. Pigs on beach balls; A young swine sitting at a picnic table eating an ice-cream cone--vanilla--Dad’s favorite, even a six-pack of beer with a pig on each can. Not to mention “pork rinds”, a favorite snack of his. Dad usually shows up when I am at my most happiest. That’s how “they” on the other side like to remember us. When we grieve for them, I learned, from a cousin of Dad’s and mine, who passed Nov. 2nd, that it just holds them back.
OK, I’ve gone on enough. Please keep on writing and please keep in touch. 🙌🏼❤️
Hi Sistah! Welcome. I have a white ceramic pig with wings I bought thinking of my dad after he died. It's in my living room with electric candles that come on for four hours each night. In Chinese astrology I'm a boar.
On November 1st, something caught my eye as I was preparing for bed. It was my dad's baby book. I thought I'd thrown it out and was thrilled to see it again. I touched a lock of his first little snippet of hair and also felt the thickness of the brown red hair in a plastic type envelope from his cut when he was perhaps a toddler. I read all about his behavior as documented by my Grandma Pearl. I wondered if I would dream about him on All Saint's Day. Sure enough, from 2:36-2:48 I recorded about 3 minutes of catching a dream sequence with him. There were only two visuals I retained. He was frolicking in a pool. My dad didn't frolic in this life. I got the sense that he finally sees me for who I really am, which truly humbly comforted me.
My friend said the same thing... that when we miss someone so much and are in pain, they can't come through to us. I have good connections here on earth but I'm delighted by my connections with those already on the other side. I never thought this would be possible. My mom said her grandma told her, "If it was so great over there, why haven't they come back to tell us?"
You've not gone on enough. Go on any time you want. I'm here! I wrote something yesterday and will post it in the morning! Thank you for finding this one!!! I'm glad you shared about your younger brother and your dad. It does come so alive in the sentences. They do. Their messages do. I understand. I have this contended smile on my face having read this and felt this connection with you.
The love you have for brother reminds me of the love I have for my sister. In spite of all the shit that has befallen me I am reminded how lucky I am. “She who knows life, feels no wear and tear, needs no mending or repair.” That’s the most profound thing I’ve read today, thanks.
Saving things!!! solidified memories are the best kind - they remind us of the good parts, that's why it's nice to keep them. like a spiritual mood board
Yes, my whole home is like that. I think the de-cluttering industry says you should only keep one thing from each loved one who has passed on. Excuse me? I can understand keeping out of guilt or strange emotion but if it is joy and love, then why must I limit myself?
Hi Journalisa,
This broke my heart. It is so beautful in it's sheer rawness and authenticity. I am so sorry for your loss and yet I understand what you mean by feeling your brother's presence in your life now. I am a firm believer that our loved one's stay close by and give us signs that they are watching over us and nearby. I know this is not the same but when my dog Collie passed away in 2019 and that was excruciating for me because I hospiced him for 6 months keeping him alive on meds but then he finally passed. It was the end of an era for me for me as well becuse Collie was the 3rd pet of 3 pets that were the childhood pets of my children who grew to old age and finally crossed over the rainbow bridge. So Collie was the hardest to say goodbye to. I always knew I would adopt another dog and a few days later a dog appeared in a feed as an adoptable dog from a foundation. It took over a month before I received a reply about my inquiry and another month before I met the dog. But I ended up adopting him. I am convinced Collie sent him (his name is Parker) to me.
I also relate to the bra size. I did not have a bra size thing going on (I am double A to this day) but I did grow hair under my arm pits by 4th grade and so I was mortified. My mother did not let me shave and so here was this bush of hair that was so hairy when I wore sleeveless in the summer. Yuck. lol
I love your blog posts and you are giving me the courage to post my personal essays. ❤️
Oh my! That is more important than our shaving stories or trauma from pubescent hairiness. I am so sorry to hear that. I have lost 2 dear friends these past 10 ten years to cancer. It shines a light on what is precious and what can border the trivial. I am sending hopeful and good thoughts. 🙏🏻
I love this piece with all of its raw edges. I love truth, and candor and finding the courage to tell your story. Bravo.💟
I just read your piece about your brother. Viewed your collages. I feel like I’ve met a kindred sister. Or one who lived in a universe side by side with mine. I too lost a brother--by his own hand. I was 19 he was 16, three months shy of his 17th birthday. He still occasionally puts in a silent appearance in my dreams. That was 50 years ago. I remember it like yesterday. My Dad passed in 2019. He was a devout hedonist, (live for today), but at the end he told the VN he was Pantheistic. I had to look it up, and I have to say I’m in agreement. But he held that when one dies, it’s like being in a drunken blackout with no wake-up call.
2 days after he “croaked”, (It was our favorite irreverent word for death), I asked him for a sign. One that would let me know that wherever he ‘thought’ he would be, was where he was NOT. And I was specific. He had been a farmer and had raised pigs for many years in my younger life. So I asked him for a “Swine Sign”. Anything pig. When I stopped looking for the signs they came fast and furious. I have a whole collage of “Por’sign’s”. Pigs on beach balls; A young swine sitting at a picnic table eating an ice-cream cone--vanilla--Dad’s favorite, even a six-pack of beer with a pig on each can. Not to mention “pork rinds”, a favorite snack of his. Dad usually shows up when I am at my most happiest. That’s how “they” on the other side like to remember us. When we grieve for them, I learned, from a cousin of Dad’s and mine, who passed Nov. 2nd, that it just holds them back.
OK, I’ve gone on enough. Please keep on writing and please keep in touch. 🙌🏼❤️
Hi Sistah! Welcome. I have a white ceramic pig with wings I bought thinking of my dad after he died. It's in my living room with electric candles that come on for four hours each night. In Chinese astrology I'm a boar.
On November 1st, something caught my eye as I was preparing for bed. It was my dad's baby book. I thought I'd thrown it out and was thrilled to see it again. I touched a lock of his first little snippet of hair and also felt the thickness of the brown red hair in a plastic type envelope from his cut when he was perhaps a toddler. I read all about his behavior as documented by my Grandma Pearl. I wondered if I would dream about him on All Saint's Day. Sure enough, from 2:36-2:48 I recorded about 3 minutes of catching a dream sequence with him. There were only two visuals I retained. He was frolicking in a pool. My dad didn't frolic in this life. I got the sense that he finally sees me for who I really am, which truly humbly comforted me.
My friend said the same thing... that when we miss someone so much and are in pain, they can't come through to us. I have good connections here on earth but I'm delighted by my connections with those already on the other side. I never thought this would be possible. My mom said her grandma told her, "If it was so great over there, why haven't they come back to tell us?"
You've not gone on enough. Go on any time you want. I'm here! I wrote something yesterday and will post it in the morning! Thank you for finding this one!!! I'm glad you shared about your younger brother and your dad. It does come so alive in the sentences. They do. Their messages do. I understand. I have this contended smile on my face having read this and felt this connection with you.
The love you have for brother reminds me of the love I have for my sister. In spite of all the shit that has befallen me I am reminded how lucky I am. “She who knows life, feels no wear and tear, needs no mending or repair.” That’s the most profound thing I’ve read today, thanks.
I recognize what I call a “weaving” style in your work. Disparate ideas so artfully joined.
Pps ... Write that bloody book! There'll be readers.