Saving things!!! solidified memories are the best kind - they remind us of the good parts, that's why it's nice to keep them. like a spiritual mood board
Yes, my whole home is like that. I think the de-cluttering industry says you should only keep one thing from each loved one who has passed on. Excuse me? I can understand keeping out of guilt or strange emotion but if it is joy and love, then why must I limit myself?
This broke my heart. It is so beautful in it's sheer rawness and authenticity. I am so sorry for your loss and yet I understand what you mean by feeling your brother's presence in your life now. I am a firm believer that our loved one's stay close by and give us signs that they are watching over us and nearby. I know this is not the same but when my dog Collie passed away in 2019 and that was excruciating for me because I hospiced him for 6 months keeping him alive on meds but then he finally passed. It was the end of an era for me for me as well becuse Collie was the 3rd pet of 3 pets that were the childhood pets of my children who grew to old age and finally crossed over the rainbow bridge. So Collie was the hardest to say goodbye to. I always knew I would adopt another dog and a few days later a dog appeared in a feed as an adoptable dog from a foundation. It took over a month before I received a reply about my inquiry and another month before I met the dog. But I ended up adopting him. I am convinced Collie sent him (his name is Parker) to me.
I also relate to the bra size. I did not have a bra size thing going on (I am double A to this day) but I did grow hair under my arm pits by 4th grade and so I was mortified. My mother did not let me shave and so here was this bush of hair that was so hairy when I wore sleeveless in the summer. Yuck. lol
I love your blog posts and you are giving me the courage to post my personal essays. ❤️
Thank you so much. I'm glad my posts are giving you the courage to post your personal essays. I truly believe the personal matters. That is quite a story about Collie/Parker directing your attention to the right next dog for you! Your mom's not letting you shave the armpits is astounding. I would have felt mortified by that. When I was away the horse ranch I only shaved one leg and not the other. She just couldn't understand my thinking. I understood my thinking. Thank you Sherri
Why did you shave just one leg? My mom thought I was too young to shave at 9 years old. I had to wait till junior high but it was painful to my psyche because I was hairy.
I was curious how much was really growing and by shaving one and not the other I could tell the difference. She was appalled at my behavior. I thought it was funny.
Lol..it reminds me of something I did when I was in 7th grade ... I was still not allowed to shave, not ebven my legs which were terribly hairy..andone day I was sitting in orchestra class next to a boy and wearing white socks with no stockings on (I would take to wearing nylon stockings and put baby powder down the stockings to camouflage the brown hair)..so he looked down at my legs and called me Magilla Gorilla. I was traumatized. I went home and shaved a 1" by 1" square on my right leg to see what the skin looked like. Because I had no idea what my skin looked like sans hair. 😂
OMG. This is a big deal. Wow. I wonder how many girls/women go through that. I have a friend here and we're going to this big deal cancer clinic to see if he has any chance of living another year or so. Got to go. Soon.
Oh my! That is more important than our shaving stories or trauma from pubescent hairiness. I am so sorry to hear that. I have lost 2 dear friends these past 10 ten years to cancer. It shines a light on what is precious and what can border the trivial. I am sending hopeful and good thoughts. 🙏🏻
Ah, he is at the clinic. Yesterday was good. It was like taking a kid to school for the first day, not that I would know what that was like. I was the kid at the first day of school, not the mother of the kid. I got him on a positive path, but I can't take all his steps for him. I'm here to encourage him forward. I've been waiting for 8 years and he only got in touch when his depression had caused deep illness and disease. I kept saying, "There are other things to learn than the big institutions scientific reckoning for what you have." Now he is finally listening as his allowing them six months to deliberate left him in a worse state and they provided no real life giving solutions. I see you wrote a new one. I will get to it shortly. I like your evolution!
I am so sorry that you and he are going through this. One of the friends who passed from cancer tried alternative methods for a while which did not work. Sadly it spread and the chemo did not work either. She carried it with her for about 8 years until she passed. Both friends carried it with them for about 8 years. It’s very frightening. All you can do is be there and be a support and hope that your friend stays as at peace in their psyche as they can be.
She has been gone a long time - like 8 years but I think she went to South America for something. I feel like it was herbal related. I suspect most alternative methods are herbal related. Cannabis also and that is not the related I am speaking about in the prior sentence but medicinalcannabis CBD in particular has been talked about as alterntive method. I just found these articles online: https://www.studyfinds.org/using-cbd-daily-shrink-tumors/ and https://integrativeonc.org/knowledge-center/sio-research-blog-vlog/326-does-cannabis-cure-cancer I do know it helps with pain and comfort is impotant. I have written about cannabis for an online zine although I do not know if I have any artilces that speak to the use for cancer in particular. If I do I will repost. I was going to add cannabis as a genre anyway.
Think of Olivia Newton John... she knew it was coming for her but the cannibis helped her with the pain. She wasn't saying (that I know of) that it was a cure, only a salve. Steve McQueen went south of the border as well and it didn't work for him, because he had let it grow too far. https://www.cfnmedicine.com/ is the place and it isn't "herbal" oriented although there are many treatments that Western medicine would deem woo-woo. I'd enjoy having a phone conversation if interested or you have perhaps a few minutes.
Yes, Olivia Newton John was very vocal about about her cannabis use. I would be happy to have a phone call. How do we get each other our numbers on this site without posting them publicly?
I just read your piece about your brother. Viewed your collages. I feel like I’ve met a kindred sister. Or one who lived in a universe side by side with mine. I too lost a brother--by his own hand. I was 19 he was 16, three months shy of his 17th birthday. He still occasionally puts in a silent appearance in my dreams. That was 50 years ago. I remember it like yesterday. My Dad passed in 2019. He was a devout hedonist, (live for today), but at the end he told the VN he was Pantheistic. I had to look it up, and I have to say I’m in agreement. But he held that when one dies, it’s like being in a drunken blackout with no wake-up call.
2 days after he “croaked”, (It was our favorite irreverent word for death), I asked him for a sign. One that would let me know that wherever he ‘thought’ he would be, was where he was NOT. And I was specific. He had been a farmer and had raised pigs for many years in my younger life. So I asked him for a “Swine Sign”. Anything pig. When I stopped looking for the signs they came fast and furious. I have a whole collage of “Por’sign’s”. Pigs on beach balls; A young swine sitting at a picnic table eating an ice-cream cone--vanilla--Dad’s favorite, even a six-pack of beer with a pig on each can. Not to mention “pork rinds”, a favorite snack of his. Dad usually shows up when I am at my most happiest. That’s how “they” on the other side like to remember us. When we grieve for them, I learned, from a cousin of Dad’s and mine, who passed Nov. 2nd, that it just holds them back.
OK, I’ve gone on enough. Please keep on writing and please keep in touch. 🙌🏼❤️
Hi Sistah! Welcome. I have a white ceramic pig with wings I bought thinking of my dad after he died. It's in my living room with electric candles that come on for four hours each night. In Chinese astrology I'm a boar.
On November 1st, something caught my eye as I was preparing for bed. It was my dad's baby book. I thought I'd thrown it out and was thrilled to see it again. I touched a lock of his first little snippet of hair and also felt the thickness of the brown red hair in a plastic type envelope from his cut when he was perhaps a toddler. I read all about his behavior as documented by my Grandma Pearl. I wondered if I would dream about him on All Saint's Day. Sure enough, from 2:36-2:48 I recorded about 3 minutes of catching a dream sequence with him. There were only two visuals I retained. He was frolicking in a pool. My dad didn't frolic in this life. I got the sense that he finally sees me for who I really am, which truly humbly comforted me.
My friend said the same thing... that when we miss someone so much and are in pain, they can't come through to us. I have good connections here on earth but I'm delighted by my connections with those already on the other side. I never thought this would be possible. My mom said her grandma told her, "If it was so great over there, why haven't they come back to tell us?"
You've not gone on enough. Go on any time you want. I'm here! I wrote something yesterday and will post it in the morning! Thank you for finding this one!!! I'm glad you shared about your younger brother and your dad. It does come so alive in the sentences. They do. Their messages do. I understand. I have this contended smile on my face having read this and felt this connection with you.
The love you have for brother reminds me of the love I have for my sister. In spite of all the shit that has befallen me I am reminded how lucky I am. “She who knows life, feels no wear and tear, needs no mending or repair.” That’s the most profound thing I’ve read today, thanks.
Right, but perhaps that keeps you stuck in the criminal elements in the world's eyes when a word change makes it something human beings deserve and rightfully desire?
Your writing craft is undoubted given your uncanny knack for drawing me into your world, just beautiful. As for 'my' writing craft, I am that curious kid who likes to play with his food. This is a journey not a destination. For before I am a criminal I am a human being and the only thing I am bringing to the table, even with food smeared about my face, is my truth. I hope this becomes more apparent over time.
Thank you very very much. I have never heard of a weaving style, except from a profound astrologer describing how to deal with all the different challenges we h2 deal with in life!
I wrote that book. Self published 2013, took down to edit in 2016, two used copies were selling in July 2019 for $1479.99. Huh? Still need to edit. Thank you for the encouragement. I have other books to write now. ✍️
Saving things!!! solidified memories are the best kind - they remind us of the good parts, that's why it's nice to keep them. like a spiritual mood board
Yes, my whole home is like that. I think the de-cluttering industry says you should only keep one thing from each loved one who has passed on. Excuse me? I can understand keeping out of guilt or strange emotion but if it is joy and love, then why must I limit myself?
Hi Journalisa,
This broke my heart. It is so beautful in it's sheer rawness and authenticity. I am so sorry for your loss and yet I understand what you mean by feeling your brother's presence in your life now. I am a firm believer that our loved one's stay close by and give us signs that they are watching over us and nearby. I know this is not the same but when my dog Collie passed away in 2019 and that was excruciating for me because I hospiced him for 6 months keeping him alive on meds but then he finally passed. It was the end of an era for me for me as well becuse Collie was the 3rd pet of 3 pets that were the childhood pets of my children who grew to old age and finally crossed over the rainbow bridge. So Collie was the hardest to say goodbye to. I always knew I would adopt another dog and a few days later a dog appeared in a feed as an adoptable dog from a foundation. It took over a month before I received a reply about my inquiry and another month before I met the dog. But I ended up adopting him. I am convinced Collie sent him (his name is Parker) to me.
I also relate to the bra size. I did not have a bra size thing going on (I am double A to this day) but I did grow hair under my arm pits by 4th grade and so I was mortified. My mother did not let me shave and so here was this bush of hair that was so hairy when I wore sleeveless in the summer. Yuck. lol
I love your blog posts and you are giving me the courage to post my personal essays. ❤️
Thank you so much. I'm glad my posts are giving you the courage to post your personal essays. I truly believe the personal matters. That is quite a story about Collie/Parker directing your attention to the right next dog for you! Your mom's not letting you shave the armpits is astounding. I would have felt mortified by that. When I was away the horse ranch I only shaved one leg and not the other. She just couldn't understand my thinking. I understood my thinking. Thank you Sherri
Why did you shave just one leg? My mom thought I was too young to shave at 9 years old. I had to wait till junior high but it was painful to my psyche because I was hairy.
I was curious how much was really growing and by shaving one and not the other I could tell the difference. She was appalled at my behavior. I thought it was funny.
Lol..it reminds me of something I did when I was in 7th grade ... I was still not allowed to shave, not ebven my legs which were terribly hairy..andone day I was sitting in orchestra class next to a boy and wearing white socks with no stockings on (I would take to wearing nylon stockings and put baby powder down the stockings to camouflage the brown hair)..so he looked down at my legs and called me Magilla Gorilla. I was traumatized. I went home and shaved a 1" by 1" square on my right leg to see what the skin looked like. Because I had no idea what my skin looked like sans hair. 😂
OMG. This is a big deal. Wow. I wonder how many girls/women go through that. I have a friend here and we're going to this big deal cancer clinic to see if he has any chance of living another year or so. Got to go. Soon.
Oh my! That is more important than our shaving stories or trauma from pubescent hairiness. I am so sorry to hear that. I have lost 2 dear friends these past 10 ten years to cancer. It shines a light on what is precious and what can border the trivial. I am sending hopeful and good thoughts. 🙏🏻
Ah, he is at the clinic. Yesterday was good. It was like taking a kid to school for the first day, not that I would know what that was like. I was the kid at the first day of school, not the mother of the kid. I got him on a positive path, but I can't take all his steps for him. I'm here to encourage him forward. I've been waiting for 8 years and he only got in touch when his depression had caused deep illness and disease. I kept saying, "There are other things to learn than the big institutions scientific reckoning for what you have." Now he is finally listening as his allowing them six months to deliberate left him in a worse state and they provided no real life giving solutions. I see you wrote a new one. I will get to it shortly. I like your evolution!
I am so sorry that you and he are going through this. One of the friends who passed from cancer tried alternative methods for a while which did not work. Sadly it spread and the chemo did not work either. She carried it with her for about 8 years until she passed. Both friends carried it with them for about 8 years. It’s very frightening. All you can do is be there and be a support and hope that your friend stays as at peace in their psyche as they can be.
What kind of alternative methods? Exactly, the terror keeps recreating the disease?
She has been gone a long time - like 8 years but I think she went to South America for something. I feel like it was herbal related. I suspect most alternative methods are herbal related. Cannabis also and that is not the related I am speaking about in the prior sentence but medicinalcannabis CBD in particular has been talked about as alterntive method. I just found these articles online: https://www.studyfinds.org/using-cbd-daily-shrink-tumors/ and https://integrativeonc.org/knowledge-center/sio-research-blog-vlog/326-does-cannabis-cure-cancer I do know it helps with pain and comfort is impotant. I have written about cannabis for an online zine although I do not know if I have any artilces that speak to the use for cancer in particular. If I do I will repost. I was going to add cannabis as a genre anyway.
Think of Olivia Newton John... she knew it was coming for her but the cannibis helped her with the pain. She wasn't saying (that I know of) that it was a cure, only a salve. Steve McQueen went south of the border as well and it didn't work for him, because he had let it grow too far. https://www.cfnmedicine.com/ is the place and it isn't "herbal" oriented although there are many treatments that Western medicine would deem woo-woo. I'd enjoy having a phone conversation if interested or you have perhaps a few minutes.
Yes, Olivia Newton John was very vocal about about her cannabis use. I would be happy to have a phone call. How do we get each other our numbers on this site without posting them publicly?
I love this piece with all of its raw edges. I love truth, and candor and finding the courage to tell your story. Bravo.💟
It's raw. I'm raw. Thank you. Om Shanti. Om Shanti. Om Shanti.
I just read your piece about your brother. Viewed your collages. I feel like I’ve met a kindred sister. Or one who lived in a universe side by side with mine. I too lost a brother--by his own hand. I was 19 he was 16, three months shy of his 17th birthday. He still occasionally puts in a silent appearance in my dreams. That was 50 years ago. I remember it like yesterday. My Dad passed in 2019. He was a devout hedonist, (live for today), but at the end he told the VN he was Pantheistic. I had to look it up, and I have to say I’m in agreement. But he held that when one dies, it’s like being in a drunken blackout with no wake-up call.
2 days after he “croaked”, (It was our favorite irreverent word for death), I asked him for a sign. One that would let me know that wherever he ‘thought’ he would be, was where he was NOT. And I was specific. He had been a farmer and had raised pigs for many years in my younger life. So I asked him for a “Swine Sign”. Anything pig. When I stopped looking for the signs they came fast and furious. I have a whole collage of “Por’sign’s”. Pigs on beach balls; A young swine sitting at a picnic table eating an ice-cream cone--vanilla--Dad’s favorite, even a six-pack of beer with a pig on each can. Not to mention “pork rinds”, a favorite snack of his. Dad usually shows up when I am at my most happiest. That’s how “they” on the other side like to remember us. When we grieve for them, I learned, from a cousin of Dad’s and mine, who passed Nov. 2nd, that it just holds them back.
OK, I’ve gone on enough. Please keep on writing and please keep in touch. 🙌🏼❤️
Hi Sistah! Welcome. I have a white ceramic pig with wings I bought thinking of my dad after he died. It's in my living room with electric candles that come on for four hours each night. In Chinese astrology I'm a boar.
On November 1st, something caught my eye as I was preparing for bed. It was my dad's baby book. I thought I'd thrown it out and was thrilled to see it again. I touched a lock of his first little snippet of hair and also felt the thickness of the brown red hair in a plastic type envelope from his cut when he was perhaps a toddler. I read all about his behavior as documented by my Grandma Pearl. I wondered if I would dream about him on All Saint's Day. Sure enough, from 2:36-2:48 I recorded about 3 minutes of catching a dream sequence with him. There were only two visuals I retained. He was frolicking in a pool. My dad didn't frolic in this life. I got the sense that he finally sees me for who I really am, which truly humbly comforted me.
My friend said the same thing... that when we miss someone so much and are in pain, they can't come through to us. I have good connections here on earth but I'm delighted by my connections with those already on the other side. I never thought this would be possible. My mom said her grandma told her, "If it was so great over there, why haven't they come back to tell us?"
You've not gone on enough. Go on any time you want. I'm here! I wrote something yesterday and will post it in the morning! Thank you for finding this one!!! I'm glad you shared about your younger brother and your dad. It does come so alive in the sentences. They do. Their messages do. I understand. I have this contended smile on my face having read this and felt this connection with you.
The love you have for brother reminds me of the love I have for my sister. In spite of all the shit that has befallen me I am reminded how lucky I am. “She who knows life, feels no wear and tear, needs no mending or repair.” That’s the most profound thing I’ve read today, thanks.
You're a quick read. How do you not feel overwhelmed by so many choices?
Trust my gut in picking my poison I guess!
Hmmm. Really? Poison? Not pleasure?
It's like you said, “She who knows life, feels no wear and tear, needs no mending or repair.” In my head, poison 'is' pleasure!
Right, but perhaps that keeps you stuck in the criminal elements in the world's eyes when a word change makes it something human beings deserve and rightfully desire?
Your writing craft is undoubted given your uncanny knack for drawing me into your world, just beautiful. As for 'my' writing craft, I am that curious kid who likes to play with his food. This is a journey not a destination. For before I am a criminal I am a human being and the only thing I am bringing to the table, even with food smeared about my face, is my truth. I hope this becomes more apparent over time.
I recognize what I call a “weaving” style in your work. Disparate ideas so artfully joined.
Thank you very very much. I have never heard of a weaving style, except from a profound astrologer describing how to deal with all the different challenges we h2 deal with in life!
Well, I named it lol after someone not particularly fond of something, I wrote accused me of “weaving.” I took it as a style- defining complement.
I would take it as a style-defining and well-deserved comment!
Pps ... Write that bloody book! There'll be readers.
I wrote that book. Self published 2013, took down to edit in 2016, two used copies were selling in July 2019 for $1479.99. Huh? Still need to edit. Thank you for the encouragement. I have other books to write now. ✍️
We'll be here ...